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The 10 Commandments Of Modern Butchering, No 3

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Posted by Don, Dueling Bubbas on April 01, 2014 at 18:14:27:

In Reply to: The 10 Commandments Of Modern Butchering, No 2 posted by Don, Dueling Bubbas on April 01, 2014 at 18:13:06:

8. You get what you pay for
"The skirt steaks at the carniceria by my house are, like, half the price of these. What’s the deal?” My go-to line in response to why our meat is more expensive than the supermarket is something like, "You don't go to a Mercedes dealer, walk up to a Gullwing and wonder why it's so much more expensive than a Honda Fit, right?" We go to great lengths to find really high-quality animals. We buy them whole and cut them ourselves. We hand-mix and stuff hundreds of pounds of sausages every week. We spend time with you to help you find the right cut of meat and explain the best methods of preparation. Seems worth the extra expense to me.

A guy came in once with his girlfriend and was blown away by how cool we were. His lady did not agree and couldn't wait to leave. When she saw how much he'd spent, she freaked out (they could clearly afford it). His response to her? "How often do you drag me to Neiman's? This wouldn't even cover the cost of one shoe!" She left in a huff, but he made a great point! Food brings some the same kind of joy a new pair of fierce pumps does. You get what you pay for, and if you are on a budget, just talk to the friendly folks behind the counter. We are happy to help and more often than not, our favorite cuts are the cheaper ones.

9. Fruit, stay away from the meat
I can do citrus segments or apple slices in a salad, and that's about it. I'm not saying it's wrong, it's just not my thing. Dried/brandied cherries in your pâté? No thanks. Currants and pine nuts in your en saor? I know it's traditional, but not for me. In fact, raisins are probably the worst offenders. Dusty little mouse turds. My staff likes to remind me of the time I (supposedly) said raisins were, "Like a piece of fruit took a ***stuff***."

10. Yes, our meat is good
“Is it good?” The question is asked often. No, dude. I just spent 20 minutes telling you all about how great a cut of meat is, how I used to prepare it at my restaurant and how quickly it sells out every week but the truth is, it sucks. I'm totally bull***stuff***ing you, because that is how I run my business. Or... "Hmm...the roast beef sandwich with pickles and mustard. Is it good?" No ma'am. We just slopped something together and called it a sandwich. Didn't even taste it. We would never eat it, because it's terrible. Don't order it because we intentionally offer up a sandwich today that tastes really, really bad.

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